Tag: Religion

Awhile ago, we started teaching Baby Benchly the Golden Rule (what he calls the Jesus Rule). It spans many religions so I’m sure you’ve heard some variation of it:

Christianity: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
Judaism: “What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow.”
Islam: “As you would have people do to you, do to them; and what you dislike to be done to you, don’t do to them.”
Wiccan: “That which ye deem harmful unto thyself, the very same shall ye be forbidden from doing unto another.”
Hinduism: “One should never do that to another which one regards as injurious to one’s own self.”

You get the point. Unfortunately, as is always the case with a 5-year-old, it didn’t go as we planned.

In the kiddie pool in our backyard one day, Baby Benchly asked me to splash him in the face, so I did. Then he tried to splash me in the face. I told him I didn’t want to be splashed in the face and he said, “But I want to follow the Jesus Rule. I wanted to splash you so I told you to splash me first.”

Nope.

When I picked him up from child care last week, he had a bunch of sand in his hair. I asked him what happened and he said another (much much younger) kiddo tossed sand on his head. I asked him how he responded. “I tossed sand on him because of the Jesus Rule.”

Nope.

The Jesus Rule had become the Baby Benchly Rule: “Do unto others what they just did to you.” It was at this point that we tried to clarify the language in the rule; to simplify it: Don’t Do Bad Things to Other People. Even if They Did Bad Things to You. We accompanied this rule with a discussion of another “Jesus Rule” (Jesus Rule #2 if you will), one with an infamous Benchly household backstory: “To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also.”

We’ll see how this is interpreted.

We’re doing our best in these challenging days to raise a child who values and aspires for kindness above all else. And that brings us to the poster.

Mrs. Benchly and I felt compelled to make this poster. It resembles many of the ones we’ve loved seeing pop up around town. There are significant statements declared in this poster that seem obvious to me. They probably seem obvious to you. And yet, they are statements that are currently in question. Not because people openly disagree with them but rather because our society’s actions and/or inactions have shown that people disagree with them. They are self-evident truths, that still need to be said. And so it goes.

To my Black friends, your lives matter. I say Black lives matter because our society silently (and sometimes vocally) says otherwise. I say this to you because I know our country has guaranteed that your pursuit of happiness is embedded with countless more landmines than mine.

To my immigrant friends, my refugee friends, our country is at its best when it welcomes those who come here to seek a better life. Fear of the unknown breeds contempt; one of humankind’s most disgusting feelings, which has manifested its ugly head countless time in recent history, most notably behind the Japanense-American internment camp barbed-wire in the 40s, and most recently in the harassment directed toward Muslims and Arab-Americans after 9/11, Mexican-Americans in the last decade, and Chinese-Americans this year. The antidote to this contempt is understanding and it’s my hope that our country one day understands the many wonderful cultures in this world and then walks the walk of Lady Liberty by truly welcoming the “huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”

To my women, LGBTQ, Black, and immigrant friends, you deserve every freedom, right, and privilege I’ve enjoyed my whole life. “To be free from violence and discrimination; to enjoy the highest attainable standard of physical and mental health; to be educated; to own property; to vote; and to earn an equal wage.”

I can’t believe I have to say this but we owe every major advancement in our world to science and anytime we turn our backs on it, current and future generations suffer.

To the many same-sex families in my life, I believe we are at our worst when we use religion to justify oppression. Love is what makes a family. It is indefensible for anyone to hide behind cherry-picked Bible verses*, personal insecurities, or fear of the unknown, to willfully prevent others from loving and being loved, to condemn them for doing so, or self-righteously pray for them. Love is love.

And finally kindness. It’s everything. It’s the Jesus Rule. Treat others like you’d want to be treated. Don’t be mean. It’s not that hard, people. Honestly, it feels good.

If you were repeatedly pulled over on your way to work, or stopped and frisked on your walk to the bookstore, or had the government actively making it more difficult for you to vote, all because of the color of your skin, you’d be upset. Of course you’d be upset. And if these and other subtle and not-subtle-at-all actions had been happening to you and your family for decades, you’d feel like your life wasn’t valued by the rest of society. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone stood up for you and said, “you should value your life because your life matters to me”? I mean, a time machine to help prevent 400 years of oppression would be nice, too, but talking about it is a start!

If you couldn’t marry your boyfriend, if you couldn’t adopt a child, if you couldn’t visit your soulmate in the hospital, if you were fired for a job, if you were disowned from your family, all because of who you loved, you’d be upset. Of course you’d be upset. But wouldn’t it be nice if society woke up one day and realized, hey, you should be allowed to love who you love and not be punished for it?

This isn’t rocket science (which is also real). It’s simple. Love and be loved. And be kind to others. We believe this in our house. Well, two of us do. The third one is still working on it.

*This is harsh, but yes, Bible verses are cherry-picked. I’ve yet to see someone pray for the sinning homosexuals in the same breath as they pray for the sinning bacon- and shellfish-eaters, for the sinning woman talking in church, for the sinning beard-shavers. Come on, people! The Bible condones slavery! It says the aforementioned Muslims and Wiccans should be stoned to death. Hell, I’m technically supposed to be stoned to death for writing this paragraph. But what if, instead of picking and choosing what to follow, we simply followed one rule? Jesus Rule #3: Love one another. I’d like that world.