A friend of mine who has tried unsuccessfully to find love from the online personals dating scene, recently decided to let her personals account expire. In 9 days, she will officially give up trying to find that all-too-elusive plug-in-the-wall love. Not wanting to waste those 9 days that have been paid in full, and in recognition of the fact that this friend is a good catch, I took it upon myself to play matchmaker. I devised a thoughtful (read: random and illogical) and carefully crafted (read: long winded) question and answer sheet designed specifically to help this friend find “Mr. Right.” To paraphrase the official title, I called this the Operation Find Mr. Right.
Based on my friend’s answers to the questions, I was able to find two eligible bachelors who seemed to be worth her time. However, because this is Burlington, VT (“where everybody knows your name…”), she had already been in touch with both bachelors and had identified them as jerks. Consequently, my career as a matchmaker was short-lived.
This experience reminded me of my own attempt to find love through the personals, which Sarah the L and I have affectionately nicknamed “2003.” Following a break-up from a long-term relationship and its subsequent doomed rebound with Widget, I turned to the personals. This was at a time when online dating was still considered taboo (so much so that I honestly think this information will be news to my family) and eharmony was simply a misspelled word.
Like everyone else, in my profile, I did my best to accurately describe the kind of person I was, as well as the kind of person I was seeking. And like everyone else, I most likely exaggerated in an attempt to show my absolute best side. For if I’ve learned one thing about human nature, it’s this: when people find themselves on display in life, be it as a guest at a party, or one half of a first date, or meeting potential in-laws for the first time at a family birthday dinner, they often end up in poses that reflect who they think they should be, rather than who they are. It’s not a bad thing per se; rather, I think it’s an attempt at self-preservation: we don’t reveal our true and/or complete selves until we’re comfortable and confident enough with our relationships to know that we won’t get stomped on. This is reason #1 why I try to take first impressions with a grain of salt.
When I was searching for Mr. Right for my friend, I laughed upon discovering that, although the formats of the sites have changed, the content has stayed very much the same. There are still people who provide an impossibly long and unbelievable list of daily hobbies/extracurricular activities, which, logic suggests, is simply a laundry list of things done only once in a life thus far. There are still people who give just a little too much information in their profile. And there are still the spelling challenged whose errors are inadvertently comical. (For example, one guy said he was looking for a woman who “complimented” his qualities. Of course, we know he meant “complement,” but still, can’t you just imagine a guy asking a woman to applaud him at the end of their date?)
And, as was the case back in 2003, it appears as though the dating sites have continued the trend of making sure their users answer variations of the following questions: “What do you like to do on weekends?” “What’s your ideal Saturday like?” “What do you like to do for fun?” I found myself wondering how I answered these questions as a 25-year-old, and whether or not those answers would be the same as the ones I’d give today as a 31-year-old. I’m sure the details have changed ever so slightly in that time, but I bet the general picture has remained the same:
I like to play Scrabble, and watch movies (maybe a good Coen Bros. movie), and daydream, and hike (Camel’s Hump especially), and eat good food (maybe some thai), and read (for my book club or myself), and write, and play chess, and play softball, and go for a bike ride (onto the causeway), and lay out under the stars, and spend time with family, and cuddle with a pet, and go for a drive, and get lost in the woods, etc. And like everyone else, I guess I’m seeking someone who complements me and compliments me.
Benchly'sword 
bravo!
thanks again for trying, but i have to stick to my guns and move away from the computer and back towward ‘reality’…can you call the church street scene reality?