As some of you may know, I’m a member of Burlington’s best book group ever, appropriately titled the Best Book Group Ever. Started many years ago through random connections on Friendster (the Myspace of 2004), the BBGE now consists of nine members: The Dean, The Professor, The Canadian, The Heinous Shrew, CAT, Mr. Benchly, The Russian, The Mother, and The Newbie. With this steady Who’s Who of Burlington cast of characters in place, invitations to join are rare and not taken lightly. Mine came via CAT two years ago, and thankfully, I have yet to be kicked out. Since then, only The Newbie has accepted an invitation.
After our most recent gathering, I took it upon myself to write a recap for the BBGE’s private website. Because I had fun with it, and because I’ve been slacking with the Blogger posts lately, I thought I’d share it with you, my faithful reader. And so, without further ado, I give to you a rare glimpse into the Best Book Group Ever…
May 20, 2008 – The Newbie’s house (The Attack by Yasmina Khadra)
For this recapper, book group began in the Old North End when four ONErs (The Professor, The Dean, CAT, and Mr. Benchly) gathered at CAT’s house so that we could carpool to The Newbie’s house. (The Professor came bearing a fishbowl surprise veggie dish from The Heinous Shrew who could not attend.) Mr. Benchly was impressed with how environmentally conscious all of his carpooling book groupers were since The Newbie’s house was only two or three miles away near Oakledge Park. At this point, it was revealed to him that The Newbie’s house was actually in Essex, 20 minutes away, and Bob’s your uncle.
At sometime near 7 p.m., the ONEr carpool express arrived at The Newbie’s newbie house, which is in an area of Essex nearly as wooded as Oakledge Park, but populated by not nearly as many drunk college kids. The ONEr carpool express arrived a few minutes after The Mother, and a few minutes before The Canadian. The other book group member, The Russian, could not attend, and Bob’s your uncle.
Our appetizer hour was spent circling The Newbie and her husband’s new cardboard kitchen island on which olives, cheese, crackers, wine, and champagne were placed. (Mr. Benchly was pleased that there was a bowl in which to place the olive pits, as this is always a matter of social anxiety and distress for him and usually prevents him from enjoying more than one olive at a party.) Champagne was poured and we toasted to The Dean’s new deanship, The Professor’s new tenure, and The Heinous Shrew’s ability to get her boyfriend to make her book group dish.
The pre-dinner/pre-book discussion ranged from whether or not any book group members could be classified as Dignified Middle Aged (DMA), to the recent home improvement work done to The Newbie’s newbie home, to The Russian’s upcoming housewarming party, to CAT’s housing situation, to The Professor’s drug-dealing neighbors, to an explanation of the phrase “and Bob’s your uncle” (a phrase this recapper so desperately wants to understand), to The Mother’s new job at the Front Porch Forum, and to many other topics this recapper can’t quite remember. It should be pointed out that this recapper had two glasses of wine, two more than his usual.
Dinner was served at a little after 8 p.m. and consisted of the aforementioned fishbowl surprise veggie dish, a salad by The Canadian, asparagus by CAT(?), a Russian (?) chicken dish by The Newbie, and bread by Mr. Benchly by Red Hen Bakery. At this point, discussion turned to the book, and, disappointed by a lack of segue, CAT shared with us the segue she almost used before dinner. The Newbie, The Professor, The Dean, and CAT were quickly identified as the book groupers who had read the book. There was some speculation that Mr. Benchly had not read the book as a sort of retaliation against those who didn’t read his book for the last meeting. These rumors proved to be false. This recapper sensed that, all in all, the four readers enjoyed the book, and their discussion lasted 10–15 minutes (?).
The post-dinner/dessert discussion turned into a vent session about bad grammar (thus making this recapper extremely paranoid), as well as a confessional on past crimes of book groupers, which, for the sake of privacy and intrigue, will not be revealed in this recap. Needless to say, though, The Canadian should now be referred to as The Canadian Criminal. We then voted on CAT’s book selections, planned our next meeting, said our goodnights, headed home a little after 10 p.m., and Bob’s your uncle.
Benchly'sword 
Sounds dangerously exciting. I wish you many more nights of best book clubbing…..EVER