Big News

I learned something today. That’s not the big news. The big news comes later. I know you can hardly wait but you’ll have to deal because I want to share with you what I learned. And this is what I learned: I learned the difference between first, second, third, etc. cousins, as well as when to apply the term “removed.” You’re jealous; you’re thinking, “I want to know the difference!” But don’t be jealous. I’m going to share my knowledge with you right now.

The first, second, third, etc title for your cousins is directly related to your grandparents. Cousins who share two grandparents are considered first cousins. Cousins who have different grandparents, but who share great-grandparents are second cousins. Therefore, your children are second cousins to the children of your first cousins because they all share the same great-grandparents.

When the word “removed” is applied, it indicates that the two people described are from different generations. You and your aforementioned first cousins are from the same generation so there’s no removal; but you are from a different generation than your first cousin’s children. Therefore, they are your first cousins, once removed. If the children of your first cousins, once removed have children, those children are your first cousins, twice removed. And so on, and so forth. Make sense? Good. Now, onto the big news…

As all of you know, New Year’s Eve is quickly approaching, carrying with it the brand new year 2006. To celebrate the event, I’ll be traveling south to Freckles’ aunt and uncle’s house in Pennsylvania. These are the same all-too-generous extended family members who shared their lake home with me this past summer. Freckles and I found out last night that their latest gift is to bring us and the rest of the family to New York City tomorrow evening for the 8 o’clock show of Spamalot on Broadway. So before we ring in the new year, we’ll have an opportunity to witness one of the best entertainment accomplishments of the current year. As Mama and Papa Benchly, as well as Sarah the L and Head will tell you, this is a truly awesome gift! But that’s not the big news either.

When I told my father about these tickets, the following conversation ensued (with some poetic license on my part, including an inside joke that, I’m guessing, only Ms. Parker will get):

Papa Benchly: You should have your mother email Lauren to see if she can get you backstage!
Mr. Benchly: Lauren?
Papa Benchly: Lauren Kennedy.
Mr. Benchly: (blank stare)
Papa Benchly: Your COUSIN, Lauren Kennedy.
Mr. Benchly: (blank stare)
Papa Benchly: You know, your mother’s mother’s brother’s son’s daughter.
Mr. Benchly: (blank stare)
Papa Benchly: Mr. Benchly, are you listening to me?
Mr. Benchly: Shove it.
Papa Benchly: Did you just say “shove it”?

Anyway, evidently, the daughter of Grandma Benchly’s nephew; aka, the daughter of Mama Benchly’s first cousin; aka, the granddaughter of Grandma Benchly’s brother; aka, Mama Benchly’s first cousin, once removed; aka, Mr. Benchly’s great-uncle’s granddaughter; aka, my second cousin; is currently starring as the Lady of the Lake in the Broadway hit show Spamalot!

And my mother emailed her, and she responded to say that if I let her know when I’ll be attending, she’d love to stick around after the show to meet me. Of course, Benchly family historians will remind us that we have, in fact, met once before: at an extended family reunion gathering in the Carolinas back in the early 80s, when I was ~7 and she was ~10. If it wasn’t so tacky, I’d bring a picture from that reunion to have her autograph. I’m so excited and oddly proud of a woman I’ve met only once in my life. Hopefully, tomorrow, she doesn’t sing like I do!

Now that I’ve revealed the big news (and yes, in fact, that was the big news), I hope that all of my loyal and, consequently, bored-out-their-mind readers have a wonderful and safe New Year’s Eve and I hope that, for all of you, the new year brings with it health, love, happiness, and an ultra-talented, famous second cousin (or third cousin, or fourth cousin, or 3rd cousin twice removed…)! I’ll see you in the new year…