My favorite song lyric from the last year comes from Iron and Wine’s song Bird Stealing Bread:
“Do his hands in your hair feel a lot like a thing you believe inor a bit like a bird stealing bread out from under your nose?”
This has nothing to do with anything other than it’s the song playing right now as I type this.
So I’ve returned from the wood. I spent the last 48 hours at my friend CAT’s parents’ summer home in VERY VERY VERY rural Vermont. The house was incredible and so too was the company with whom I spent this weekend. The majority of my temporary housemates were related to each other and this became evident almost immediately as you heard the many years they’ve spent together echoing in their smiles and laughter. But I never felt like an outsider…except, of course, when it involved their family’s complete dominance at card games.
I had plenty of time to play fetch with the dogs and all of them knew the remarkable command “GAME OVER.” If they were begging you to throw the ball and you were tired or it was obvious that they were tired and needed to rest, all you had to say was “GAME OVER” and they’d take the ball from your hand, walk away, and lie down somewhere. That’s a command I needed for myself when I was growing up. =)
I also had plenty of time to read from the book I’ve been reading the last week or two: The Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by David Eggers (I think I got the title correct). Great story and great writing and I often hear my thoughts and feelings in his words. And this is both comforting and frustrating. Comforting to know that I’m not alone in my thoughts and frustrating because now what the hell am I supposed to write about?!?!
The food I ate this weekend was delicious with a capital FREAKIN! I ate so much that I’ll be digesting all winter. And we got to sit in front of the fire place at night, which is always a treat. But then, the straw that broke my 27 year old camel’s back:
I snore. There, I said it. I snore like it’s nobody’s business. I snore like it’s my job and I love what I do for a living. I’m loud. VERY loud. And like ALL snorers, I can’t help this. And believe me, I want to help this. I want to wake up in the morning and be asked how I slept and answer “great” and have that be the end of the discussion. But instead, my life has been spent having the “how did you sleep?” “Great!” “Yeah, I know, I could HEAR you ALL night” conversation. And call me sarcastic, but after 100 times, this conversation and all similar conversations get old…
So, last night, not only did I have to deal with the snoring jokes but I also had the pleasure of being banished from the living room couch and fireplace and sent to a room in the corner on the second floor with the other snorer, as far away from all nonsnorers as humanly possible without going outside. And believe me, when I offered to sleep outside instead, the “oh no, you don’t have to do that” responses came with hesitation. Am I being narrow-minded? Is it wrong that I’m slightly put off by being forced to sleep away from the rest of the group and next to a snorer (who kept me up) so that everyone else doesn’t have to?
I think the real issue here is my self esteem. I hate the outsider feeling I get when people make fun of my snoring and I hate BEING an outsider by being forced to sleep somewhere because I snore. It reminds me of when I was in kindergarten and Dukes of Hazard was the cool show on TV and so when the cool kid in class brought in his Dukes of Hazard matchbox car, the next day all the kids (including myself) brought in cars. Only…I didn’t have the Dukes of Hazard car. I had an orange corvette. And so when I tried to play with all the other kids, they said “That’s not a Dukes of Hazard car! You can’t play with us!” Was it my fault I didn’t have a Dukes of Hazard car? No. And yet, there I was, forced to play by myself in a corner of the kindergarten classroom. You can imagine, as a 5 year old, how crushed I was when this happened. Well I felt the same way last night.
Benchly'sword 